Old Vets

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down
terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-
olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be
able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm
tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some
asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and
shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like
I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as
well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we
put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed
an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years
as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and
yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over
the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic
training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ...
er ... one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've
never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still
hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,
not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our
kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them
off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us
on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now
is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and
automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind
them.

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the
first night.

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so
you can read it.

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Found on the Internet at USAF Radar Sites Veterans at Yahoo Groups.