Uncle Bob

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess. ""And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher."Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time,
but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy," said the teacher.

Oh no, here's little Johnny with his hand up.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?""

Yes ma'am, my Daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. My Uncle Bob was a pilot in Viet Nam and his plane got hit by a SAM missile. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle o whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the bottle of whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets; he then killed twenty more with the machete til the blade broke; and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands. "My goodness," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your Daddy give you from that horrible story?" Johnny smiled brightly and replied; "Don't fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinkin'."